How to Spot Toxic Friends
And How to Handle Them
Friendships should be a source of support, encouragement, and joy. However, not all friendships are healthy, and some people may display toxic behaviors that leave you feeling drained, unappreciated, or taken for granted. If you’ve ever felt like a friend is subtly (or not-so-subtly) bringing negativity into your life, it might be time to take a closer look.
Here are five toxic traits to watch out for in friendships:
1. They Don’t Celebrate Your Wins
A true friend should be happy for you when you share good news—big or small. Whether it's a job promotion, a personal achievement, or something as simple as finding a great deal on a new outfit, a supportive friend will cheer you on.
🚩 Red flags to look out for:
They change the subject or act uninterested when you share something positive.
They make passive-aggressive remarks instead of celebrating with you.
They downplay your success by saying, "Oh, that’s not a big deal."
They compete with you instead of supporting you.
2. They Only Focus on the Negative Aspects of Your Life
A good friend will listen when you need to vent, but if someone constantly highlights your struggles and gossips about your problems to others, that’s a major red flag. Instead of uplifting you, they keep reminding you of what’s going wrong in your life.
🚩 Red flags to look out for:
They bring up your failures more than your successes.
They gossip about your personal struggles to others.
They rarely offer solutions or encouragement, only negativity.
3. They Start Something but Leave You to Handle the Work (or Cost)
Toxic friends love initiating plans but conveniently disappear when it’s time to follow through. They might say, "Let’s plan a trip!" or "Let’s order food!" but then leave you to do all the work or cover the bill. Over time, this behavior can become exhausting and financially draining.
🚩 Red flags to look out for:
They push you to organize events, book reservations, or do all the planning.
They suggest ordering takeaway but leave you to pay.
They agree to contribute to something and then back out last minute.
4. They Make Everything About Themselves
Conversations with a toxic friend often feel one-sided. They rarely ask how you’re doing and, when they do, they quickly shift the focus back to themselves. These friends only show interest in your life when it benefits them.
🚩 Red flags to look out for:
They interrupt or dismiss your thoughts and redirect the conversation.
They barely ask about your life but expect you to listen to their problems.
They rarely show genuine interest in your well-being.
5. They’re Only Around When They Need Something
Some friends disappear when things are going well for you but suddenly show up when they need a favor. They don’t check in, support you, or spend time with you—unless they want something.
🚩 Red flags to look out for:
They don’t reach out unless they need help, money, or a favor.
They vanish when you need support but expect you to be there for them.
They guilt-trip you if you say "no" to their requests.
6. They announce your news, without you present or your consent.
One clear sign of a toxic friend is when they share your personal news—whether big or small—without your consent or presence. This isn’t just an innocent mistake. More often than not, they do this to control the narrative, steal your moment, or insert themselves into your story. It can stem from insecurity, boredom, or even jealousy. Rather than celebrating you, they make it about themselves—either by spinning the news in a way that benefits them, reflects upon you in a negative light or by acting as the “messenger” to feel important.
A good friend knows that your news is yours to share and respects your right to announce it when, where, and how you choose. If someone repeatedly takes that away from you, it’s a red flag that they may not have your best interests at heart.
🚩 Red flags to look out for:
You hear your own news from people you never told – If others know about something personal before you’ve had the chance to share it, your friend is likely playing messenger without your consent.
They twist the details – You notice that when they retell your story, certain parts are downplayed or exaggerated. The positive aspects may be minimized, while any small misstep or flaw is emphasized—like that tiny moment when you tripped, suddenly becoming the highlight of your news.
They add their own spin – Whole new variations or inaccurate details start appearing, making the story less about what actually happened and more about how they want it to be perceived.
Friendships should bring joy, support, and balance to your life. If you recognize these toxic traits in someone, take a step back and evaluate whether the friendship is worth maintaining. You deserve to be surrounded by people who uplift you, celebrate your wins, and treat you with respect.
