Dating For Friends

When we think about dating, we often focus on compatibility, effort, and communication. We set standards, look for red flags, and seek out relationships that add value to our lives. But when it comes to friendships, many of us don’t apply the same level of care. Why is that?

Friendships shape our lives just as much as romantic relationships do. They influence our happiness, self-esteem, and even our future. So, just like dating, friendships deserve intentionality. If you wouldn’t tolerate certain behaviors in a partner, why accept them in a friend? Here’s how to approach friendships with the same principles as dating.

1. Choose Friends Who Align With Your Values

In dating, we seek partners whose values align with ours—whether it’s kindness, ambition, or honesty. The same should apply to friendships. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, respect your boundaries, and share similar life outlooks. If you find yourself constantly justifying a friend’s toxic behavior, ask yourself: Would I date someone who treated me this way?

2. Effort Should Be Mutual

A healthy romantic relationship thrives on mutual effort—texting first, making plans, showing interest in each other’s lives. Friendships should be the same. If you’re always the one initiating plans, checking in, or making the effort to stay connected, it might be time to re-evaluate. Friendship, like dating, should never feel one-sided.

3. Pay Attention to Red Flags

We often recognize red flags in dating—flakiness, lack of communication, or dismissiveness—but we tend to overlook them in friendships. A friend who only reaches out when they need something, constantly cancels plans, or makes you feel drained rather than uplifted might not be the right fit. If you wouldn’t accept it in a relationship, don’t accept it in a friendship.

4. Quality Over Quantity

Some people date casually, but when it comes to serious relationships, most prefer quality over quantity. The same applies to friendships. It’s better to have a few deep, meaningful connections than a large number of surface-level friends. Having many acquaintances can be fun, but true friendships should be fulfilling and supportive.

5. You Deserve to Feel Chosen

In dating, we want to feel valued and prioritized—not like an afterthought. Friendships should make you feel the same way. If you’re constantly the backup plan or only included when it’s convenient for them, consider whether this is a friendship worth keeping. True friends make time for you, not just when it suits them.

6. Set Boundaries & Communicate

Healthy relationships—romantic or platonic—thrive on open communication and boundaries. Just like you wouldn’t tolerate a partner who constantly disrespects your time or emotions, you shouldn’t let friends do that either. It’s okay to communicate what you need in a friendship, whether it’s consistency, respect, or emotional support.

7. Friendships, Like Dating, Evolve

Just as relationships change over time, so do friendships. Some friends are seasonal, while others stay for the long haul. It’s important to recognize when a friendship has run its course and be okay with letting go. Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay.

We often put so much thought and energy into dating, but friendships deserve the same attention. A strong, fulfilling friendship can be just as life-changing as a great romantic relationship. So next time you evaluate a friendship, ask yourself: Would I date this person if they were a romantic partner? If the answer is no, it might be time to reconsider who you’re investing your energy in.

Just like in dating, the right friendships will bring out the best in you, support your growth, and make you feel valued. Choose wisely.

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